Lately

Lately I have all the time for myself
I eat whenever I want to
I sleep or wake up to whatever time I want to
Without the concern that someone is waiting for me
Lately I stayed home for three days
That never happened in like a decade or so
The longest time my car didn't move since I had it
Lately I literally do everything at my own phase
As long as I free-up 10pm from anything
The feeling of it has that "something new" feel to me
A gust of fresh air if you look at it in another way


BUT lately I learned to stop clockwatching
I purposely take for granted time
Why shouldn't I? It will just make me feel
That time is a lot slower than normal
Lately I lag at the gym just to kill time
Lately I dont have that "yey" feeling
When cruising down in Bajada going the way to Damosa
Lately I get longer cellphone calls and receive more "miss you" than usual
Lately I drive around alone a lot more than usual
Lately I watch movie/tv alone than usual
Lately I eat alone more than usual
Lately I crave more for the affection and attention that I usually get
Im like a diabetic craving for something sweet
But I know I could not have
Lately Im trying to learn how to kill this craving
Kill it temporarily not permanently
I kill this craving from 8am to 5pm
Because if I wont, I find it hard to smile
Then resuscitate it from then onwards
Im trying to control it but not get used to the feeling
That I cant have it (for the moment)
Lately in a minute aspect, I'm living a single lifestyle
But lately I re-experienced first hand,
Not like the popular belief that being single is the way to go
Without the small conflicts, petty quarrels or the need to reason out and of course the company or the mere presence of the other person
Life is rather dull than colorful
Lately i feel alone and lonely more than the usual attacks...